Work In Progress

I am the living embodiment of Newton’s first law of motion.  Generally speaking: An object at rest stays at rest and an object in motion stays in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force . I commonly find it difficult to get up from my desk at work, even when I know that a 15 second stretch will relieve the stress in my shoulders that comes from sitting hunched over a keyboard all day.   It is a quick inner battle that takes place, where I weigh the need against the benefit.  Often I will put off the standing up unless I can tie it to something I consider as having more value---like picking up a print job. Better yet, if I can wrap the standing stretch up into a package with a print job pick up, reheat of my cold coffee and trip to the bathroom.   A four for one only takes moment to assemble in my mind and sadly is often the impetus I need to propel me to my feet. I am a sucker for a good d...

My Inbox is flooded with invitations to 'set my intentions' for 2015 --- pick a 'worthy' resolution and 'jump start my way' to a better me. For the most part, I can smile and delete these messages but it still creeps in sometimes---the  pressure.   To fix things--on a timer---ready-set-go! Capture it all--in scrapbook-Facebook-neon-colored-accomplishment jars for everyone to see and for goodness sake it is already January 8th---so isn't it pretty much too late! Might as well wait until next year.  January really is a stupid month for January to happen in. Someone should do something about it. The calendar is a moron. We should start a petition.  All of those resolutions to be a better person, and those vows to turn down every sweet treat in favor of trainers and gym memberships – does this really have to happen in a month in which you have to get dressed for work at a time of day so dark that it could ...

It is Sunday morning and my house is full of boys.  They are all sleeping.  46,19,15,10..... Soon it will be a noisy kitchen when they all get up and  the dozen eggs, package of sausage, a loaf of bread, waffles and all the bananas are one in one fell swoop.  I will continue to be challenged with altering my shopping habits for when everyone is home! Two of my three fur babies are curled up on the couch beside me...one in her bed nearby snuggled with a teddy.  I am the only one awake and am enjoying the peace while it lasts, The Middle One will be joining us in January.  Five months shy of his 16th birthday, he has decided to move it with us.  And things will change again, as they always do.  More hands, more help, more food, more work for all of us as we define the boundaries of daily living that are not present on weekend visits or summer holidays.   A good thing?  A bad thing?  It just is, and how we navigate ...

After months of sorting out the details, a return to work date was set.  I had a month.     That sounds like a long time.  If you work full time right now and someone said you had a month off work it would feel like forever and you would probably howl with delight, fist pumping your way around the office.  Having been off work for almost two years, a month felt like a moment away.     Twelve trips to the gym, four weekends, only a few more chances to spend the day with Sista....how could I possibly get everything done that I wanted to do before I went back?   Tick-tock.  Tick-tock.   A grinding of gears heralded the resumption of the countdown clock that overshadowed my eight week adult day treatment program. A deadline....a deadly line.... slipping through my fingers as I desperately grasped at each lesson, at each session  because I only had 40 days to be "fixed", become capable, balanced, competent...

I have written often of the "small world" of my back deck - here and here - and here  and (sheesh) here  where I cocooned my first summer after my crash, reading, writing and just learning how to live inside my body and yet be part of the world that existed just outside my patio doors. It was my haven---a morning glory entwined gazebo, purple-pink sunrises, warm breezes and warmer coffee.  From the comfort of my chair, I could watch the "big world" go by over my fence.   Each morning, mass transit swallowed waiting patrons, only to spit them out at the end of the day as they returned home.  I imagined them all going to work-- happy, competent, well adjusted and 'normal'.  At the end of the day, they came home--- mostly looking like their same happy, competent, well adjusted, 'normal' selves.   It made me feel small and broken and terrified---and definitely not normal.      The "big world" was too much for me...

If January is the month of dreaming, then February is the month of pause.   This is the time when I will take all the dreaming, the things my heart and soul sang to me in January, and plant them in my heart to see how they might take root in active living.   Right now, they are just seeds of what I want to bring into my life in the next year.    The best things in life are worth waiting for , people say.    Living my purpose, following my heart, facing my truth, finding myself.   Just now seeds:  feel, brave, trust, flow and newly discovered receive --will  require patience and time--two things I am working on ALWAYS.   In January a quiet pause, amidst the cacophony of my inner mean girls, white sandy beaches, helped me find my focus.   February finds my physical world buried in snow.  Buried to the point where there is no where else to put it.  I simply cannot lift...