Work In Progress

Today the sound of the cicadas has been replaced with the shhhhhhh of roofing tiles as they slide to  earth and the periodic staccato of a nail gun.  It's an early start --because it is already 38 with the humidex.  They are working quickly and it's a small roof. Still, I wouldn't want to be them.  Whistling carries across the heavy air.   I am reflecting on a friend who is having a hoard of family descend on her house for a summer visit.  We are a lot alike--except that I have a spouse who takes care of most of the cooking when family comes.  She is frantically cleaning things she readily acknowledges no one will notice--and meal planning instead of allowing for a fun family "all hands on" in the kitchen whenever anyone gets hungry.  And trying to control the uncontrollable.   She is my sister perfectionista.....and a gottathinkofeverythingsoitallgoessmoothly kinda gal.   I think that makes ...

 Jake at Toronto Zoo 4 years ago? It is officially a heat wave – day four-- and I am ignoring Brené Brown.   Cicada song pierces the evening air.   It is finally tolerable outside. Still, my skirt clings to my legs, my forehead damp with perspiration within minutes of coming to sit on the deck.   Jake and Noah are playing ---Jake pitching, Noah catching. The weather perfectly captures how I am feeling mid chapter.   Stuck.   Sticky. Heavy.   Lazy. The chapter is entitled “The Things That Get in the Way”…and I think that I am one of those things.   It’s time to face shame—worthiness--and get a grip on them.  I. Am. Getting. Closer. When shame came up in therapy, I didn’t understand why.   My therapist kept pushing: “So wait. You don’t have people over to your house. Why would you deny them the pleasure of your company?   You are a smart woman with lots to share with people.” “Well…it’s my house…it’s just…. it is smal...