Work In Progress

Enrobed by an inch think layer of ice, my back deck gazebo glows in the early morning darkness.  This has been one of the challenges with continuing my early morning practice of getting up before everyone else to have some sacred time to write or meditate---the morning  darkness.  Summertime meant taking my laptop to the deck, where the trill of birdsong and the gentle breeze across my arms caressed my senses awake---reminding me of the power of the universe---and the glory of being part of it.  Winter meant returning to the dining room where the warmth of the furnace and sound of the refrigerator running were poor replacements.  Still, the birdfeeder offered up a view of nature, albeit through glass the helped keep the connection.   Without knowing it, I had created a sacred place to work and craft and connect with myself and nature.  At this table I create and write and meditate (half lotus on the d...

This morning, I am remembering a day in March, when my oldest scheduled a tour of  a potential university to attend and The Spouse was unable to take him.  It was a formal orientation with presentations and a meet and greet with faculty so it would be important to his decision.   I was newly finished my 8 week adult day treatment program and instead of feeling refreshed and enlightened, I was battered and bruised, brutally raw and vulnerable.  Don't get me wrong, there was never a more supportive environment -- full of information, handouts and opportunities to share, be heard, and feel loved. But here I was, taking my first few wobbly steps on the high wire and I felt messy and uncoordinated; like I was struggling to hear my more enlightened voice over the ear piercing alarm going off in my head.   Days leading up to going, I carefully juggled every mind trap we had explored:  what if we get lost and never make it there? (catastrophizing) All ...

Elbow deep in my bag on my arm, my fingers walked  quickly  over the contents, quickly identifying and then rejecting each item in a blind attempt to locate my wallet. The last few items beeped through the scanner as drops of sweat formed and slowly rolled down the back of my shirt.   The cashier shifted from one foot to the other, letting out an audible sigh. She shared a knowing smirk with the growing line behind me.   "It's in here somewhere".  My purse puddled on the counter in front of me, I continued to dig, feeling a flash of warmth ricochet around my body.  My hand returned over and over to my sister's wallet that I was carrying for her as she scanned the birthday cards for an appropriate selection.   "Let me grab my sister."   As I bolted from the cashier line, I saw her heading my way and waved her forward.  The line collectively shook there heads.   I quickly fi...

I am going to celebrate a few things today: My morning glories are monstrous--taking over everything and the power of a single seed still astounds me!  Such strength and beauty from something that looks small and insignificant.  My deck and gazebo are a riot of blooms and soon-to-be tomatoes.  I saw my sista perfectionista yesterday who is always grounding and inspiring at the same time.  It had been awhile.  I felt awesome during and after! I have been doing the 21 day meditation challenge! I am a few days behind but am continuing to look for ways to get in touch with who I am. I have posted 61 blog posts (62 after I finish this one!)!  That is incredible to me!  I wasn't sure if this was for me....writing, thinking, sharing.  But the words became important and the process became important and it has been therapy.  It is a blue sky day and after readjusting my meds a bit (went off something that I thought really had no impact ......

Gratitude is not a thing you have, it is a thing you do.  Without doing, it doesn't exist.  It is a bit like all the wool in my cupboards ---bags of it. I would say I am a knitter---but if I don't actually DO it ---can I claim I am a knitter?   I read Simple Abundance and kept an Abundance Journal when I was off work like this many years ago.  It felt silly at first. I am grateful for the blue sky today.  I am grateful for more green lights than red on the way to the grocery store.  I am grateful I found one cold soda at the back of the fridge when I thought we were out.   But instead of being silly, it made me mindful.  It caused me to seek out the good things in my day...and the act of writing them down gave them life.  There is something about taking a thought in your head and transposing it to paper.  It makes it real.  It becomes important.  And the more you do it, the more gratitude ...