Work In Progress

It is the first day of 2016 and the first day of the month I devote entirely to opening my heart and soul to hear what the universe is whispering.  January is the dreaming month.  It seems fitting that when the outside world is inside, that I should spend some time looking inward as well. Wrapped up in blankets and bed, peeking out at the cold icing sugar dusted world, I can get quiet, and just listen.   That is why I reserve the whole month of January. So I can find those moments between children and work and housework and the mundane to reach deep in to quiet pockets of being. Each year, they show up---beacons in the darkness that drag me back to the light, when the anxiety and depression sneak up on me and I feel myself going under.   On days when I just can't make another decision, I follow them to a safe place, because I found them in my dreaming month when I was open and listening and the world felt a bit more stable. Authentic ---it is t...

Ok so this has been way harder than I thought.  Last year, January was my dreaming month and it all just seemed to happen.  It was about cocooning on my couch with books and movies and my electric fireplace.  It was about coffee and reflection, mediation and renewal, and out of that came the guiding lights that identified what made me happy.  And naturally, if they made me happy, I wanted more of them--even if they were hard. This year, January has been full of work. Back to work full time, parenting full-time, Middle moving in with us, Spouse off travelling for work and pleasure, three demanding puppies, trying to eat well and continue my soul work.   The gym has vanished and the last visit with Sista was way too long ago….I feel it slipping away.  Bits of me. That is where Wellness Wednesday came from.  The one hour dedicated to me...each week.  But how do you try to recreate what came so naturally last year, an hour a week?   We...

I am the living embodiment of Newton’s first law of motion.  Generally speaking: An object at rest stays at rest and an object in motion stays in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force . I commonly find it difficult to get up from my desk at work, even when I know that a 15 second stretch will relieve the stress in my shoulders that comes from sitting hunched over a keyboard all day.   It is a quick inner battle that takes place, where I weigh the need against the benefit.  Often I will put off the standing up unless I can tie it to something I consider as having more value---like picking up a print job. Better yet, if I can wrap the standing stretch up into a package with a print job pick up, reheat of my cold coffee and trip to the bathroom.   A four for one only takes moment to assemble in my mind and sadly is often the impetus I need to propel me to my feet. I am a sucker for a good d...

My Inbox is flooded with invitations to 'set my intentions' for 2015 --- pick a 'worthy' resolution and 'jump start my way' to a better me. For the most part, I can smile and delete these messages but it still creeps in sometimes---the  pressure.   To fix things--on a timer---ready-set-go! Capture it all--in scrapbook-Facebook-neon-colored-accomplishment jars for everyone to see and for goodness sake it is already January 8th---so isn't it pretty much too late! Might as well wait until next year.  January really is a stupid month for January to happen in. Someone should do something about it. The calendar is a moron. We should start a petition.  All of those resolutions to be a better person, and those vows to turn down every sweet treat in favor of trainers and gym memberships – does this really have to happen in a month in which you have to get dressed for work at a time of day so dark that it could ...

It is Sunday morning and my house is full of boys.  They are all sleeping.  46,19,15,10..... Soon it will be a noisy kitchen when they all get up and  the dozen eggs, package of sausage, a loaf of bread, waffles and all the bananas are one in one fell swoop.  I will continue to be challenged with altering my shopping habits for when everyone is home! Two of my three fur babies are curled up on the couch beside me...one in her bed nearby snuggled with a teddy.  I am the only one awake and am enjoying the peace while it lasts, The Middle One will be joining us in January.  Five months shy of his 16th birthday, he has decided to move it with us.  And things will change again, as they always do.  More hands, more help, more food, more work for all of us as we define the boundaries of daily living that are not present on weekend visits or summer holidays.   A good thing?  A bad thing?  It just is, and how we navigate ...

January is the month of dreaming, and as February approaches I have in my pocket, four seeds---the beginnings of somethings that will be beautiful and wild and strong.  My Sista Perfectionista often talks how our thoughts are seeds we plant in the fertile garden of our mind.  The more we water each seed, the more it grows.  Too often, I water the seeds of guilt, shame, fear.....their roots run deep. Over the last year, I have been preparing for this time.  While not yet spring in the real world, the world of my soul work is ripe for planting.  Rich, loamy soil has been prepared. The sun is shining and the watering can is within my reach. Inside small mounds of dark soil I plant my seeds. Feel.  Allow the heart to have its say.  Logic has a place, but feel your way through things, even uncomfortable ones--ones that hurt and ones that allow for joy and love. Just FEEL. Brave .  Take a leap.  Don't let fear limit my po...

For 27 years I measured time not in the usual January to December way that most people do, but by the September to June clock that rules the life of a student and/or teacher.  I still get that flip in my stomach in early September; like I am supposed to be somewhere. And somehow, summers still feel more relaxed, even when you don't take any time off from work.  It may be because I have kids.  It will be interesting to see if I still feel this when my youngest is gone off to university.  I will have to wait another nine years to find out I guess.   In the shiny glow of this new 2014 I am feeling reflective on the last year.    Since my collapse, time has become slippery.  For the longest while, I felt like I was stuck in November 2012 when I went into the hospital.  Time lost its linear nature.  Without work, there was no sense of weekday or weekend. Monday blurred into Sat...