Navigating a New Year Plus One

It is Sunday morning and my house is full of boys. They are all sleeping. 46,19,15,10.....

Soon it will be a noisy kitchen when they all get up and the dozen eggs, package of sausage, a loaf of bread, waffles and all the bananas are one in one fell swoop. I will continue to be challenged with altering my shopping habits for when everyone is home!

Two of my three fur babies are curled up on the couch beside me...one in her bed nearby snuggled with a teddy. I am the only one awake and am enjoying the peace while it lasts,

The Middle One will be joining us in January. Five months shy of his 16th birthday, he has decided to move it with us. And things will change again, as they always do. More hands, more help, more food, more work for all of us as we define the boundaries of daily living that are not present on weekend visits or summer holidays.

A good thing? A bad thing? It just is, and how we navigate the newness will give us good days and bad---just like with everyone else in any family.

I have wonderful plans for 2015. And like last year, January will be my dreaming month.

Last year, January gave me: Feel, Brave, Trust, Flow, Receive. These were the themes that spoke to me ---some appearing during reading, meditation, watching TV, and they served me well.

Returning to work after my "collapse" in late 2012 brought them all together in one act, and my understanding that there is no "done"...no "fixed"....no "now I can go back to living blindly and on automatic pilot" is firmly in place. I no longer hear the tick-tock-hurry-up-and-fix-it clock.

I am, and always will be:

Comments

Keeping Afloat in Darkness - When Robin Williams is Gone

A few weeks ago Robin Williams was everywhere you looked. People were desperate for details; to find the one thing that assured them that his situation was so different from theirs that they are safe; that it could never be them. But if you suffer from depression, the suicide of such a brilliant, successful, individual; part of our lives for so many years and responsible for so many laughs; looks like a leak in your boat. A friend asked me, "Ok but no one knows what the future holds. Could he not see that?" For someone drowning in the dark spiral of depression, there is no future. There is only now. There is only nothing. The boat is gone. You are under. It is not about your spouse or your friends or your kids or career or fans or dogs or anything. When the darkness squeezes it is all about now. And now is nothing. It is bleak and empty and so dark, you cannot see a bottom, or edges or surface ---just darkness. "Some...

There is more good stuff--keep reading»

Being Enough

I am grateful that the chapters in The Gifts of Imperfection are short. Each one overflows with concepts that ask you to reach down to your very core and dig around a bit with a sharp object. Sometimes you have to pull back and take a break. Like at the dentist...when you have to put your hand up...they let you close your mouth for a minute....you stretch your jaw....rinse maybe. "You ok to continue?" You lie back, take a breath, try to get comfortable, open up, look at the outline of the hand holding the drill backlit by that horrible light...and nod. Not to say it is all bad. But this chapter on Exploring the Power of Love, Belonging, and Being Enough made me uncomfortable in my skin. I squinted a lot. Really, really trying to get at what she was saying without having to feel what she is saying....which is not the purpose. So I had to read the chapter a few times. Then I fiddled around on Facebook and Outlook to avoid sta...

There is more good stuff--keep reading»

Shame is A Full-Contact Emotion (Brené Brown)

It is a cool outside this morning and I have on my fluffy red robe as I sit outside and watch the birds flit back and forth from the fence to the feeder----arrogantly tossing aside imperfect sunflower seeds to get to the good ones. The discarded seeds, some empty, some full, punctuate my deck, waiting for the squirrels, who will later claim this easy buffet. I am still reading Brené and The Gifts of Imperfection. Feels a bit like learning a new language ---I see the words---I hear the words---but the meaning is so diffuse...I need to read and reread and sometimes, even read out loud to make the words stick It is hard work. And while the smooth cover of her book lies balanced on my palm, seemingly weightless, many of the concepts have a density that knocks me flat on my ass ---like a large medicine ball. CATCH THIS ONE! Oooooooof! I am down. Eyes wide, trying to catch my breath, wrestling with the weight of hefty concept...

There is more good stuff--keep reading»

Work In Progress

Search This Blog