An Unpopular Opinion - Need a Little Help Here Ryan Reynolds....

Now that we have seen that Ryan Reynolds is available for belly rubs, let's get to the real challenge at hand. For risk of posting an unpopular opnion, I miss plastic straws. Yes, yes, I have seen the video with the straws in the sea turtles' nose. HORRIFIC. And in theory I am 100% behind this move to paper straws but could we not have come up with something BETTER? The current iteration are just tiny paper towel tubes you suck on. Come on. We have cars that self-park, self-drive ----could we not have found something a little less "toilet roll tampon" flavored? In particular, I miss plastic straws in the movies. For me, I would bite the straw and drink it slowly though the compressed section. Somehow, it just seemed to make the drink last longer. Not having this totally ruined Dead Pool for me.....(kidding, nothing could ruin that one....) Using a paper straw means I am instantly transported to my dentist office where cotton tampon structures are stuffed in my cheeks during a crown replacement. I know you know what I mean. I know your mouth is all squinched up at this thought. Since platic bags became evil and "cloth" bags more environmentally friendly, (what exactly are they made up by the way? Doesn't look recycleable to me.....just sayin') many of us, me included, end up buying bags almost every grocery trip when we a) buy more than expected or more likely b), leave your bags in the car (yes it is too far to walk back out there when it means abandoning your cart) or more likely, at home. So could we not just increase the cost of drinks to include a metal straw maybe. NO that won't help with my wanting to bite the straw problem, but my straw will not disintegrate in a 3 hour movie and won't taste like crap. What about a straw you eat at the end---like licorice! Come on, don't tell me you have not at least once, bitten off the ends of your licorice and used it as a straw (additional flavor is free bonus!) Thoughts? Ideas? Come on, if Ryan Reynolds can do what he does with booze, football, movies and bringing Weslty Snipes back to the role he was born to play, can we not get HIM on this or something. Come on Ryan, do us a solid for your Canadian, cottony, tampon tastealike straw buddy rebel. Thanks!