Tuesday, 31 May 2016

ARGH!! How to Accept When Things go to SHITE!



This is a new one to me, and I continue to struggle with the acceptance part--mostly due to how I define acceptance.  

In my mind acceptance means defeat followed by inaction---there is nothing you can do, after all, if you accept it.

I am of the Dylan Thomas "Rage, rage against the dying of the light...." philosophy on this one.

(Mostly I just want to punch this welcome sign!!! pffffffffff.....not so fast.)

Sista is reading a book that talks about acceptance, including how you have no control and how willpower is useless because we never stick to it and fighting against what is, is exhausting and just fills you with negativity.

I try to listen to the words she is saying when she tells me about this book.  

I can see it is important to her.  But the "you have no control" and "willpower and promises don't work so give them up," part is not in my wheelhouse. 

Sounds like a great hall pass to me.  (Not the movie...sigh...don't watch the movie...not THAT kind of hall pass).


See even EXCUSED has a red X behind it....not a check mark like it's a good thing......no wonder someone had to write a book on it to explain it.....
It did jog a memory lose in my mind though....
....and came up with  radical acceptance, something I learned about in ADTP (Adult Day Treatment Program) when I got out of the hospital after the "collapse".  

Accepting just feels way too passive, and I do NOT like feeling like things are out of control and I must just accept....which I am not sure Sista is talking about; but it is all I hear. 

How does someone say:  (hey these are't me saying them by the way...)

"I accept that my boss swears at me and belittles me."
"I accept that my (insert important person) has died." 
"I accept that I was molested as a child."

...and me (while being impressed to the utmost) is also a bit skeptical about it anyone who can be THAT Zen about it.  (Other than a Buddhist ---if you are a Buddhist, I TOTALLY see how you could say this and feel it and mean it. Otherwise, I think you are full of bullshit.)

Worse would be, people TELLING ME I have to accept something:

"You have to accept the fact that the dog ran away."
"You have to accept that you just aren't a good driver."
"You have to accept that fact that he left you for another woman, again."

That feels like a gauntlet, thrown at my feet, and you just KNOW I am all over that to pick it up and slap you with it.

The part about radical acceptance though that wins me over to at least sit, arms folded over chest and mumble "I'm listening...." is the adjective "radical".

Radical is defined most often as "complete, or extreme"---which helps describe how HARD it feels, at least to me, to accept things charged with strong emotions..... like anger, loss, and fear.

What interests me most about this particular way to manage life's fuckshittery, is that radical can also be defined as how new plants are grown from the root or stem that remains underground.  Any thing that implies new growth from something will always catch my attention.

On to exploring Radical Acceptance.......(personally I like the"radical" much more than the acceptance.  Reminds me of one of my favorite books by Bloggess Jenny Lawson, Furiously Happy by Jenny Lawson.)

How can someone be FURIOUSLY, happy? For her, it works! LOL

Work in Progress....



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