Skip to main content

The Game of Life

Each year, Santa brings a game for our family to play.  It used to be things like RISK and Monopoly but more recently, the focus has been on fast fun that allows us to quickly connect for a laugh in between bouts of homework, chores and device worship.

This year was no exception, and we are now the proud owners of Don't Spill the Beans.   The game contents include a bean pot with lid, bunch of tiny plastic beans, a playing area on which you place the bean pot, and four trays to hold your beans.

The beans are divided evenly between all players. The player who receives the last bean goes first.
Players take turns dropping a single bean onto the bean pot. Since the pot hangs slightly above the play area by its handles, the balance shifts with each additional bean, eventually causing a spill. When the beans fall, the player who tipped the pot adds the spilled beans to their tray. Play continues until someone runs out of beans. The player who runs out of beans first is the winner.
Punctuated by flatulence related jokes, we soon became more adept at placing the beans and extending the game.  Weight and counterweight.  Balance was the objective.
Later that night, I reflected on how the game was a perfect metaphor for how I was feeling as the year was coming to a close.  
I could close my eyes and picture the beans being dropped onto the pot.  Back

to work full-time. Plop. Managing the house and kids while the Spouse travelled so much. Plop. Plop.  Three dogs at home (not a lot of effort when you are home all day but now....).  Plop. Plop. Plop.  
Counterbalance: yoga, meditation, visits with Sista. Plop. Plop. Plop.
The Middle one moving in: Plopity Plop Plop.
I can see the imbalance.  And I know that it will only take a few more beans on one side to send them all toppling into the pot.  It cannot be that one sided for long.  I cannot see life in this way.
What I like the most about this game though is that even if the distribution of beans is too much and they all tumble into the pot, you can play again.  It is a reminder to me that I need to take a break---regroup---and take a look at my beans.  
I used to feel it was success or fail.  Win or lose.  Float or sink.  But know I know it is really about trying.   There will be days that are unbalanced; days when it feels like a handful of beans got dumped on one side all at once; and there is absolutely no way to counter it when that happens.  
While maintaining balance would be the ideal...it sounds like a lot of work, and I suspect I would spent a lot of time worrying about imbalance instead of recognizing that sometimes, things will be up and sometimes they will be down.  
Think about a high wire artist.  Their goal is to maintain balance.  Does that look
relaxing to you in ANY WAY?  For them it is about survival.  Imbalance could mean death.  Not a few beans spilling out of a pot.  I don't want to live that way.  That is way too much pressure.
Youngest is 10 and I am thinking this game will allow us to have some good conversations about balancing your life.  I invision conversations about video games, chores, schoolwork, and how by keeping a variety of things in our life, no one thing will be life and death....including balance!
Problems happen.  It is a fact.  So get used to tipping the beans and starting over.  
2015 is on the horizon and I am watching my beans.  There are a lot on there right now so I will have to make some decisions.  
Do I need to remove beans?  
I have chosen to add a lot of these beans myself.  Luckily, the choice of how to look at them is also mine.  Another child in the house, work, dogs---add to the challenges of managing but also bring joy and love.  Each day is different.  Each moment could spill or stabilize the pot.  I am not willing to remove any--so perhaps I need to stop seeing them as good or bad. They just are.
Should I be adding beans?
If I start to perceive one side as too heavy with 'negative' items, it would seem logical to try to add 'positive' things to the other side to create balance.  More yoga, more meditation, more 'me' time.   Again, I am forced to look at how I perceive these things.  
Meditation, yoga and Sista have all been invaluable parts of my recovery---but
by trying to keep up my daily practices to the same extent while working and 'moming' will only cause resentment and stress on days when it simply does not fit.  
Adding to my pot --the 'if some is good more is better' philosophy doesn't work either.  
How do I win?
Life is the pot and how we live it is the beans. What you do with your beans---what value you place on them and you can see it as a game of fun and learning or not is what will determine how much you enjoy your life.   It is not about life and death---it is about what you do in between.


  

 

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

It's All About the Here and Now

Today is a good day.   I have positioned my laptop on the dining room table in a way so that I can see the bird feeders.  Even through the closed doors I can hear the unique  warble of the yellow finches that have recently begun to frequent my yard.   This morning, cardinals-- the male brilliant in his scarlet coat and black mask -- returned, and as I watched, the male flew back and forth from the sunflower seeds to feed his mate .    Watching the birds gives me great joy and so I am trying to take the time to do this each day.  Were it not for this blog and how it makes me sit down and think, I can't say I would sit still long enough to do this. Taking time for myself is still a foreign concept. It is ironic that I have tried to attract birds to our pet free, quiet yard for years and the first year we have two dogs (one a squirrel/bird chasing terrier who launches hers...

Keeping Afloat in Darkness - When Robin Williams is Gone

A few weeks ago Robin Williams was everywhere you looked. People were desperate for details; to find the one thing that assured them that his situation was so different from theirs that they are safe; that it could never be them. But if you suffer from depression, the suicide of such a brilliant, successful, individual; part of our lives for so many years and responsible for so many laughs; looks like a leak in your boat. A friend asked me, "Ok but no one knows what the future holds.  Could he not see that?" For someone drowning in the dark spiral of depression, there is no future. There is only now. There is only nothing.  The boat is gone.  You are under. It is not about your spouse or your friends or your kids or career or fans or dogs or anything.  When the darkness squeezes it is all about now.  And now is nothing.  It is bleak and empty and so dark, you cannot see a bottom, or edges or surface ---just darkness. "Some...

Emotional Echos - Moments in Time

here are moments in time that define you. They are etched in your memory in a way that if you close your eyes you can see them again; feel them again. They are an emotional echo ---so strong, they leave an imprint on your soul. When I was eleven, my favorite "uncle" died suddenly, in my house, while I was off at the grandparents. He and my "aunt" came to town for a week long visit after moving away one year earlier and my parents decided to throw a grand party and invite all their old friends. My sister and I were sent to the grandparents for the weekend, and I was promised the week after we could come home and I could have "Uncle Bill" all to myself! I learned much later that early Sunday morning, my "aunt" woke up when my uncle accused her of stealing the covers. They both rolled back over and went back to sleep. Between then and 10 AM when she work up again, he had experienced a cardiac event (not his first I am sad to say) i...