"Let it go....let it go...." and "Shake it off...shake it off."
I alternate between these two borrowed mantra for this time--- when the world seems too loud and bright. Even my clothes touching my skin is too much. I yank off my sweater, and hop step out of my pants while walking upstairs to my room after work, finally able to breath once the edges of sleeves, cowls of turtlenecks and waistbands of tights no longer feel like burning, scratching sun burn.
My skin feels too tight as I try to keep myself together in this package that is required to carry out my daily tasks.
"Your lack of planning is not my emergency."
It is far too easy to get caught up in the drama of things that are so divisive---as you try to separate yourself by thinking it is not your problem or it is not my fault or I am better than this or I don't need anyone - when we should be connecting to each other in a supportive way.
"I can see this is very stressful for you. How can I help?"
Sometimes the answer is just to listen. The trick is to JUST listen.....and not engage from your own experiences to fuel whatever fire is raging in someone else. I have been there too often. Poured gasoline on a situation and accidentally lit myself on fire in the process---then ran around flinging sparks igniting it in everyone I talked to after.
So how do you connect without plugging in? This is my challenge. This my boss has warned me about. This my therapy has taught me about, Boundaries. How to set boundaries with yourself and others.
Walking the fine edge with full-time work, primary parenting and all the house duties, I fear a gentle gust of wind will send me over if I am not careful. Awareness helps. But perhaps it is time for a professional reality check to keep me on the path.
This next year brings the Middle One coming to live with us, the Oldest perhaps returning home while on co-op and increasing responsibility at work....all things I may be able to handle now that I am in a better place. I am grateful for that,,,,,