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One thing I know is true...words carry energy.   
They are flush with it.  
It overflows into the universe.

Retreat is one of those words.

Yelled on a battle field, it signals withdrawing.. from a hazardous or unpleasant position or condition. It is associated with failure to advance, inability to achieve a goal and implies "you lose". The energy flows in waves-----shame, weakness, fear, anger, despair.

Prefaced by "weekend" or "meditation", retreat carries a completely different energy.  One of peace, safety, introspection, exploration, relaxation and contemplation.

Last weekend I took part in a Wellness Retreat about 2 hours from my home, outside of Cobourg Ontario. 

Retreat, in this case, encompasses both definitions.  

Frustrated by a block somewhere in my flow of energy (failure to advance) I felt stuck--thigh high, soul sucking, mud stuck. That is how it starts.  

I have been in full retreat mode before.  Drowning in anger, fear, shame--unable to advance--beating a hasty retreat to a hospital bed waving a white flag of surrender.

Now,  I am smart enough to go get help.  

So I went to my Naturopath.  Who mentioned a Wellness Retreat she was organizing, just weeks away. I had to go.  The universe offered up the chance to surrender to the muck and mire, stop struggling and just be. 

The feminine energy would provide a peaceful, safe environment to recharge my batteries, to contemplate what I know to be true.

I am enough.  

It is hard to say.  Try it! 
(Now say it like to mean it.)

I am enough.  Just me.  Just doing what I can do. Each day.  

I am enough.  

While I would love to be able to articulate in a meaningful way how the weekend went, it is impossible.  

I laughed each day.  I cried each day.  

Baby birds reminded me how beautiful and delicate new life is.  However ready we are to fly, we all have our own time, our own moment. 

The million brilliant points of light--the delicate swirl of far away galaxies--punctuated by speedy satellites zipping by brought wonder at the how tiny we all are---how our time here on this earth is but a blink in the history of the universe.  Awesome.  

Women from all walks of life, each with a story to tell. Judgement free.  
Laughter 'till your belly hurts.  
Tissues passed around while soft souls cradled the pain of others.  

Sharing food, nourishing the body and soul with companionship.  

Feeding your spirit as well as blessing your body with whole foods to allow it to carry you forward on your path.

Crackling fires.  Meditation.  Yoga. 

I am enough.  

I am not the maid, the cook or the chauffeur.  

My worth is not enumerated by a completed checklist, but by what have I done for myself today to nourish my body, mind, and spirit so that the energy I contribute to the world will provide me with the strength to face the challenges that are out there. 

While I can retreat for a weekend to regroup and recharge, the one thing that remains constant in life is that problems happen.  On firmer ground, moving forward I can face them with a better sense of faith, peace, love and compassion.  

I am enough.


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