Work In Progress

As an only child for eight years, and a bit of a loner even after my sister came along, I had a rich fantasy life.  I imagined myself on stage wowing the crowds as I crooned along to the creamy sounds of ABBA, disco danced into fame to Saturday Night Fever and was absolutely sure that somewhere, near my home, there was buried treasure.....or dinosaur bones.   One of my favorite things to do was to quickly flip the pages of a catalog, stop at a random page and imagine I could choose anything on that page for myself.  Landing on a page of men's socks would earn a "re-do" or three additional picks--it all depended on my mood that day. I fervently remember pouring over the Canadian Tire catalog when it came in the mail each year. Much like the Sears Christmas catalog that consumed many hours of fantasy purchases in the toy section, I often confined my "random" page flipping to the camping section. This section required many picks. After all, I had to se...

My father was a well traveled, articulate, educated man who also knew how to fix cars and build stuff--a Renaissance Man of sorts.  Growing up, our house was full of lively debates over dinner parties with my parent's fiends and when I got older, both my ex-husband and my now partner would disappear into conversation with him over leisurely family dinners. When he talked, people listened.  I often felt on the outside of these conversations, not sure how to contribute as I had not followed his path into business, did not track the news and barely acknowledged sports.  However, he was always the first one I turned to when I needed a short, logical, objective opinion on anything that was going on in my life--- good or bad. "Do you want to meet my new boyfriend?  He is...." "How about when you find someone special tap me on the shoulder and let me know." "The husband just left me ..." "Get a lawyer. TODA...

One thing I know is true...words carry energy.    They are flush with it.   It overflows into the universe. Retreat is one of those words. Yelled on a battle field, it signals withdrawing.. from a hazardous or unpleasant position or condition. It is associated with failure to advance, inability to achieve a goal and implies "you lose". The energy flows in waves-----shame, weakness, fear, anger, despair. Prefaced by "weekend" or "meditation", retreat carries a completely different energy.  One of peace, safety, introspection, exploration, relaxation and contemplation. Last weekend I took part in a Wellness Retreat about 2 hours from my home, outside of Cobourg Ontario.  Retreat, in this case, encompasses both definitions.   Frustrated by a block somewhere in my flow of energy (failure to advance) I felt stuck--thigh high, soul sucking, mud stuck. That is how it starts.   I have been in full retreat mode before.  ...