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Ostrich or Hawk?

 
I don't watch the news.
 
That often makes me feel incredibly ignorant when people are discussing injustices around the globe and as a librarian, I think people would expect me to be well informed on a broad range of topics--politics, geography, the environment even the issues of the city in which I live and pay taxes. 
 
It is not something I am proud of---but the truth or truth as the media would have us believe is far too overwhelming. 
 
Treasure Trove of Terror
Seems to me there is something lurking around every corner these days:  children are not safe walking to school, playing in their back yard or eating their lunch.  Pedophiles, unsupervised pools, peanut butter---"deadly disasters" sound bite snaps your head in the direction of the TV or headline.  No, none of it is good, but the media uses scare tactics to keep us fearful and dependent on others to tell us what to do to save ourselves and our children.
 
Look at ME, Look at ME!
Social media.  The illusion of making us feel like we are more connected than we ever have been before.  We post pictures of our vacations....our children's accomplishments....our feet up with wine in hand...our pets....our new deck....our home baking.   It's the shiny side of life.  And for those of us watching you...we somehow feel less.  No kids, can't bake, haven't been on a vacation in years-must-be-nice-to-have-that-kind-of-time-and-money-for-a-deck-you-bitch-do-you-ever-go-to-work-because-you-seem-to-be-on-vacation-all-the-time-alcoholic!!!   
 
Maximum Media Mention
Celebrities.  Reality TV (really?  if it is on TV how is it reality?)  we eat it up. You can get lost online as the thread unravels--who was there, what did they see, was their video, what were they thinking, how dare he, how dare SHE?  Distraction from our own life?  A way to comfortably judge others from our couch.  
 
They are crazy, sad losers.  Look how much better I am. (Honey Boo-Boo---a car wreck you can't look away from...)  

 
 
OR
 

They are what I need to be, I do not measure up. (Any show with rich/beautiful people.)




 
 

And we eat it up.  And read it. And buy it.  And watch it.  And they measure it. And they go out and get more. 
 
It eats up your day, your PVR, your evenings---and you wonder why you are tired, depressed and elbow deep in a vat of ice cream, an affair, self-ridicule or day four of no solid foods, you WILL get it all.
 
I can't do it.  I can't manage the emotions that come with what is out there--24/7...everywhere I look.  
 
Am I an Ostrich then--hiding from what is out there--pretending it doesn't exist?  Hmmm maybe. 
 
 I know it is there.  Sometimes I peek--but I would really rather consider my escape route during a zombie apocalypse than how the parents of a young boy are blaming each other for his neglect, abuse and subsequent death in the paper where I live right now.   
 
I believe we are all beings of energy---after all---that is what atoms are--bundles of energy---grouped together to create the form you see in the mirror each day.  The negative energy is out there.  You can feel it when you engage in gossip, when you pass judgment on other people, when someone cuts you off.  I get enough of it every day.  I do not need to go seek it out. 
 
I will leave that to people who are braver than me, and I am grateful they exist. They are the people who tackle real issues on behalf of those who cannot.  
 
I have often spoken of my small world--my home.  The peace and safety it has offered me and from which I occasionally, tentatively venture from to test the waters of my ability to cope with the bigger world beyond my fence.  
 
Some days are very successful. I meet new people, do new things, extend myself and connect with other positive energy.  Other days I pull in close and take comfort from the routine of laundry and muffins---or refuel with my Sista Perfectionista where we tackle issues of the world from the safety of her couch--tea in hand.
 
I have newsie friends.  I look to them for the highlights.  The synopses.  Or I ask the Spouse. Or my oldest.  I just can't do it myself. 
 
I am not sure this is as a result of getting to vulnerability.  Vulnerability in my small world is overwhelming some times.  I can barely handle how raw I feel.  Feeling is new. 
 
 
 
 
 
 





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