MAG is over. No more Mondays and Wednesdays at the hospital. No more being accountable to someone else. No more readings and assignments and goal setting. No more self assessment handouts. No more environment where people listen, and nod and smile and offer support. No more reality checks from a nurse therapist and psychologist.
Here it is Monday----I am at the end of my book and so far ---there is no Monster at the End of MY book. There is just me. And that is a bit scary.
Because I can be my own Monster...and Momster. I can be tempted by my flannel sheets to stop getting up early. I can eat directly from the cookie bag. I can sit in yoga pants each and every day. I can let golden moments slip by because I am not present in the precious days of my son's love and snuggles.
But today ---I am not a monster. Today I went to the gym (an hour before my class started---by accident) and walked the treadmill to Kelly and (what happened to Regis?) and then did an hour of Body Flow.
Today I am sitting in Starbucks....and I am waiting. I am waiting to see if any of my group shows up for coffee. I reached out to those I have a contact for and set up a coffee date for today. So....we will see.
What if no one actually shows up, even though a few have said they would? This is my reach. Reaching out is hard. Puts you out there for rejection. You feel invisible. In a full Starbucks I will fade into the chair, conversations around me echoing through my invisible self.
We have a formal group meeting to touch base November 27. We have to set a goal for ourselves that we can complete in the one month. My goal is status quo. Keep doing what I am doing and not give in to the Monster/Momster.
I have massage therapy tomorrow and booked acupuncture for next week. Steady on.