Wednesday, 30 October 2013

Success vs. Failure

I read something this morning that resonated with me so I want to capture it here (though my blurry eyed typing tends to slow this whole process down).

It is from a handout I received in MAG called "Learning to Cope with Stress" by Ed Beckham and Ceceila Beckham as found in A personal Guide to Coping. (which you can find online by clicking the title---good read!)



The article talks about how if throughout your life, you have received positive feedback or praise for your intelligence or talent, you may feel that your inability to tackle new tasks means you believe you are not smart or able, and therefore will never succeed. However, if you are praised for your hard work, you may be more likely to believe that if you fail, it just means you need to try harder.

"When facing a difficult problem, it is important not to view success or failure as proving that you are smart or stupid, strong or weak. Instead, look at the difficult situations as requiring more perseverance and flexibility from you.  This way of seeing a situation is more likely to keep up your morale and energy so that you can continue to work at overcoming obstacles."

Much of what I have learned at the hospital has seemed like common sense; and this is no exception.  I do think though, that I have gotten into some unhelpful habits.  In the darkest days though, I knew I had been there before and I knew I could get out of it again if I set the intention.  But along the way, there certainly were times when I wanted to give up.  To just veg and sit and be still.  Or times when I was so impatient for the healing to begin I was too agitated to help myself.  I wanted the drugs to work magic. I wanted my therapist and doctor to "fix me!"   I wanted to know what to do ---Oh please God someone tell me what to do!!!!"

Looking at my recovery as an extremely difficult situation that will require more perseverance and flexibility is incredibly helpful.  It calms the waters inside.  It stops the rage.  It halts the ticking clock.  It gives me a sense that I am in control of my recovery.....just how much do I want it?

Sounds crazy, but there are positives to staying sick.  Not having to work; time to take up hobbies and go to the gym; time to spend with my Sista Perfectionista, time to eat better, go to classes, take care of all the house things and child things that need doing now that The Spouse's job demands even more of his time away from home.

But getting better doesn't have to cost me all these wonderful things I have discovered.  I just need to persevere and be flexible to allow for more of them in my life while considering going back to work in some capacity.

Last day of MAG......and yet.....I still am a Work in Progress (as it should be)

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