Skip to main content

Success vs. Failure

I read something this morning that resonated with me so I want to capture it here (though my blurry eyed typing tends to slow this whole process down).

It is from a handout I received in MAG called "Learning to Cope with Stress" by Ed Beckham and Ceceila Beckham as found in A personal Guide to Coping. (which you can find online by clicking the title---good read!)



The article talks about how if throughout your life, you have received positive feedback or praise for your intelligence or talent, you may feel that your inability to tackle new tasks means you believe you are not smart or able, and therefore will never succeed. However, if you are praised for your hard work, you may be more likely to believe that if you fail, it just means you need to try harder.

"When facing a difficult problem, it is important not to view success or failure as proving that you are smart or stupid, strong or weak. Instead, look at the difficult situations as requiring more perseverance and flexibility from you.  This way of seeing a situation is more likely to keep up your morale and energy so that you can continue to work at overcoming obstacles."

Much of what I have learned at the hospital has seemed like common sense; and this is no exception.  I do think though, that I have gotten into some unhelpful habits.  In the darkest days though, I knew I had been there before and I knew I could get out of it again if I set the intention.  But along the way, there certainly were times when I wanted to give up.  To just veg and sit and be still.  Or times when I was so impatient for the healing to begin I was too agitated to help myself.  I wanted the drugs to work magic. I wanted my therapist and doctor to "fix me!"   I wanted to know what to do ---Oh please God someone tell me what to do!!!!"

Looking at my recovery as an extremely difficult situation that will require more perseverance and flexibility is incredibly helpful.  It calms the waters inside.  It stops the rage.  It halts the ticking clock.  It gives me a sense that I am in control of my recovery.....just how much do I want it?

Sounds crazy, but there are positives to staying sick.  Not having to work; time to take up hobbies and go to the gym; time to spend with my Sista Perfectionista, time to eat better, go to classes, take care of all the house things and child things that need doing now that The Spouse's job demands even more of his time away from home.

But getting better doesn't have to cost me all these wonderful things I have discovered.  I just need to persevere and be flexible to allow for more of them in my life while considering going back to work in some capacity.

Last day of MAG......and yet.....I still am a Work in Progress (as it should be)

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Shame is A Full-Contact Emotion (Brené Brown)

It is a cool outside this morning and I have on my fluffy red robe as I sit outside and watch the birds flit back and forth from the fence to the feeder----arrogantly tossing aside imperfect sunflower seeds to get to the good ones.

The discarded seeds, some empty, some full, punctuate my deck, waiting for the squirrels, who will later claim this easy buffet.
I am still reading Brené and The Gifts of Imperfection.

Feels a bit like learning a new language ---I see the words---I hear the words---but the meaning is so diffuse...I need to read and reread and sometimes, even read out loud to make the words stick

It is hard work.

And while the smooth cover of her book lies balanced on my palm, seemingly weightless, many of the concepts have a density that knocks me flat on my ass ---like a large medicine ball.
CATCH THIS ONE!Oooooooof!I am down.

Eyes wide, trying to catch my breath, wrestling with the weight of hefty concepts like shame, authenticity, wholeheartedness, courage, compassion, connect…

Taking a Lesson from Work

Maybe it's because I am on this spiritual journey, or maybe it is because I have time to read blogs and cruise the web, but 2014 seems a bit obnoxious so far.  
Really IN YOUR FACE. Ok so it is not quite like this, but...... ....picture in your mind a saloon type town in the old west. 

Got it? 

Ok so now add a slick looking guy standing up on a wooden crate, surrounded by a crowd of people.  Beside the crate is a table, and on it are dozens bottles.
He clears his throat, throws out his arms, and announces:

It's a new year folks! New year.....new YOU! How would you like to tackle your SPENDING/DRINKING/SELFSABOTAGING/PROCRASTINATING/UNDEREDUCATED/OVERACHIEVING/UNORGANIZED/OVERWEIGHT/GREYINGHAIR/DULL SMILE/SMOKING/BOUNDRYSETTING/DEPRESSED/ANXIOUS/EATINGDISORDER/OBSESSING/INTERNET-DEVICE ADDICTION problems....
RIGHT NOW!!!
AND IF NOT, WHY NOT? OMG you think!!! (well OMG probably wasn't around then but...)  

OMG I think I heard a few things in there that I need to fix!!!!  Actually, I KNO…

Getting to Know My Neighbor in Type B

As a self identified "Type A" behavior "enthusiast", getting to know my neighbor in "Type B" might help me get a handle on why I too often feel like I am banging my head against a wall at work.   
But before I get too far, after all, there are a bazillion "self assessment" tests out there from, "What potato chip flavor are you?" to "Which Prince outfit are you?"
In the 1950's, two cardiologists, Friedman and Rosenman used Type A and Type B as a way to describe behavioral responses associated with how male patients with heard conditions responded to stress in their waiting room.   
They observed that some of the men actually wore down the edges of the seats from sitting poised on the edges of the seat and jumping up frequently, (labelled Type A) while others were able to relax in their seats and the wear on the chairs was focused more evenly (labelled Type B).  
They went on to investigate further, testing and proving at that …