Skip to main content

I Hate it When My Child is Right....

I am now the dubious owner of a yoga mat.  So far, it is still sitting in its plastic wrap ---green and clean and perfectly rolled up.  I purchased it last night after selecting it because I liked the color and has some sort of holder type thing you roll it up into and a sling to hang it from your shoulder like a quiver of arrows.
 
Even thought I can't see it from where I am typing---I can feel it's smug little eyes mocking me from around the corner.
 
You don't do Yoga-----pfff! Gonna take me downstairs and lean me up against the folded treadmill are ya?  Come onnnn now...you haven't been to the gym in like six months and you are going to go today.....to a class you have never ever taken before and show up like you know what you are doing?  Your joints have been aching and swollen for days.  You are on antibiotics for a UTI and you have your first MAG class at 2 and you are either suffering from allergies or getting a cold and you are going to start a Yoga class???? YOU???  Today????
 
Wow---it makes a pretty good argument.
 
I have been feeling lousy lately.  I need to do some research of fibromyalgia as I have had what I can
only describe as growing pain like symptoms in my legs, arms and hands.  I was practically begging the Spouse to rub my legs and feet.....after which I went and had a 3 hour nap on Saturday.  And I NEVER nap.  Not when I had babies (which is when people tell you, "never napped--well you will now that you have kids.  You will learn how to grab sleep whenever you can".  Yeah me? No.
 
I also have a UTI.  I felt like something might be going on there but didn't go see my doctor for a bit.  I was convinced it was just my nerve pain acting up, or stress over my oldest leaving home.  I was worried if I showed up at the doctors she would think I was crazy.....just hysterical bladder type symptoms (which in all fairness I have had before).  Low and behold I was right all along.  So I am also trying to be vigilant about the medication to help the UTI causing other complications associated with antibiotics.  So I am gulping acidophilus mid day between the other pills.
 
So why don't I abandon the whole thing---get my youngest on the bus and go back to sleep until this afternoon's class?  Or till dinner?  Or till tomorrow?
 
A big part of the reason is my oldest son.  He is at the beginning of a new part of his life.  And while he has room for his mom, and his home, and his little brother.....this new part---school, independence, friends, the gym,  learning to play pool....are the way ahead and we are the way behind.  When I told him I would drive him back this weekend so I could meet his roommates, he told me:
 
Mom.  No.  You don't want to bring you family into your university life. It just isn't right.  I am starting my adult life now and it is just a separate thing.
 
After spending the next ten minutes letting him know he has actually started his student life and not his adult life because adults have to pay their own tuition, meal plan, books, and can drive themselves to and from school, and the bank, and to get groceries, not relying on their MOTHER, I did actually get the message he was putting out there. 
 
I suggested to him as well, that for many years when I was a single mom, it was he and I who did everything together:  movies, dinner, trips, etc.  and when he got older he was there for conversation and company and a big part of getting things done around the house.  So I know I don't handle change well but I will be able to let him go more and more over time and not take it personally.  I am excited for his new life---a bit jealous as well (I would love to be in school again)---but I will get there.
 
He suggested to me that this is a new phase of my life as well.  I have an 8 year old at home.  That is it.  And while my youngest will miss his older brother as his gaming buddy, lego pal and homework help, it gives me a chance to develop a different relationship with my youngest too.  Last but not least he reminded me that I need to find some things just for me while I am still off work and have no kids in the house from 9 until 6 PM.  Damn he is getting smart....
 
So yoga mat, F-you!  I am going to the Body Flow class at the gym at 10:30 today!  I will roll you out and sit on your skepticism and that will wipe that condescending look off your smug green face!
 
 
 
 
Work in progress.....
 
 
 










Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Keeping Afloat in Darkness - When Robin Williams is Gone

A few weeks ago Robin Williams was everywhere you looked. People were desperate for details; to find the one thing that assured them that his situation was so different from theirs that they are safe; that it could never be them. But if you suffer from depression, the suicide of such a brilliant, successful, individual; part of our lives for so many years and responsible for so many laughs; looks like a leak in your boat. A friend asked me, "Ok but no one knows what the future holds.  Could he not see that?" For someone drowning in the dark spiral of depression, there is no future. There is only now. There is only nothing.  The boat is gone.  You are under. It is not about your spouse or your friends or your kids or career or fans or dogs or anything.  When the darkness squeezes it is all about now.  And now is nothing.  It is bleak and empty and so dark, you cannot see a bottom, or edges or surface ---just darkness. "Some...
4 comments
There is more good stuff--keep reading»

Being Enough

I am grateful that the chapters in The Gifts of Imperfection are short.  Each one overflows with concepts that ask you to reach down to your very core and dig around a bit with a sharp object.  Sometimes you have to pull back and take a break.  Like at the dentist...when you have to put your hand up...they let you close your mouth for a minute....you stretch your jaw....rinse maybe.  "You ok to continue?" You lie back, take a breath, try to get comfortable, open up, look at the outline of the hand holding the drill backlit by that horrible light...and nod. Not to say it is all bad.  But this chapter on Exploring the Power of Love, Belonging, and Being Enough made me uncomfortable in my skin.  I squinted a lot.  Really, really trying to get at what she was saying without having to feel what she is saying....which is not the purpose.  So I had to read the chapter a few times.  Then I fiddled around on Facebook and Outlook to avoid sta...
5 comments
There is more good stuff--keep reading»

Shame is A Full-Contact Emotion (Brené Brown)

It is a cool outside this morning and I have on my fluffy red robe as I sit outside and watch the birds flit back and forth from the fence to the feeder----arrogantly tossing aside imperfect sunflower seeds to get to the good ones.   The discarded seeds, some empty, some full, punctuate my deck, waiting for the squirrels, who will later claim this easy buffet. I am still reading Brené and The Gifts of Imperfection. Feels a bit like learning a new language ---I see the words---I hear the words---but the meaning is so diffuse...I need to read and reread and sometimes, even read out loud to make the words stick It is hard work.    And while the smooth cover of her book lies balanced on my palm, seemingly weightless, many of the concepts have a density that knocks me flat on my ass ---like a large medicine ball. CATCH THIS ONE!   Oooooooof!   I am down.    Eyes wide, trying to catch my breath, wrestling with the weight of hefty concept...
Post a Comment
There is more good stuff--keep reading»