Monday, 9 September 2013

I Hate it When My Child is Right....

I am now the dubious owner of a yoga mat.  So far, it is still sitting in its plastic wrap ---green and clean and perfectly rolled up.  I purchased it last night after selecting it because I liked the color and has some sort of holder type thing you roll it up into and a sling to hang it from your shoulder like a quiver of arrows.
Even thought I can't see it from where I am typing---I can feel it's smug little eyes mocking me from around the corner.
You don't do Yoga-----pfff! Gonna take me downstairs and lean me up against the folded treadmill are ya?  Come onnnn haven't been to the gym in like six months and you are going to go a class you have never ever taken before and show up like you know what you are doing?  Your joints have been aching and swollen for days.  You are on antibiotics for a UTI and you have your first MAG class at 2 and you are either suffering from allergies or getting a cold and you are going to start a Yoga class???? YOU???  Today????
Wow---it makes a pretty good argument.
I have been feeling lousy lately.  I need to do some research of fibromyalgia as I have had what I can
only describe as growing pain like symptoms in my legs, arms and hands.  I was practically begging the Spouse to rub my legs and feet.....after which I went and had a 3 hour nap on Saturday.  And I NEVER nap.  Not when I had babies (which is when people tell you, "never napped--well you will now that you have kids.  You will learn how to grab sleep whenever you can".  Yeah me? No.
I also have a UTI.  I felt like something might be going on there but didn't go see my doctor for a bit.  I was convinced it was just my nerve pain acting up, or stress over my oldest leaving home.  I was worried if I showed up at the doctors she would think I was crazy.....just hysterical bladder type symptoms (which in all fairness I have had before).  Low and behold I was right all along.  So I am also trying to be vigilant about the medication to help the UTI causing other complications associated with antibiotics.  So I am gulping acidophilus mid day between the other pills.
So why don't I abandon the whole thing---get my youngest on the bus and go back to sleep until this afternoon's class?  Or till dinner?  Or till tomorrow?
A big part of the reason is my oldest son.  He is at the beginning of a new part of his life.  And while he has room for his mom, and his home, and his little brother.....this new part---school, independence, friends, the gym,  learning to play pool....are the way ahead and we are the way behind.  When I told him I would drive him back this weekend so I could meet his roommates, he told me:
Mom.  No.  You don't want to bring you family into your university life. It just isn't right.  I am starting my adult life now and it is just a separate thing.
After spending the next ten minutes letting him know he has actually started his student life and not his adult life because adults have to pay their own tuition, meal plan, books, and can drive themselves to and from school, and the bank, and to get groceries, not relying on their MOTHER, I did actually get the message he was putting out there. 
I suggested to him as well, that for many years when I was a single mom, it was he and I who did everything together:  movies, dinner, trips, etc.  and when he got older he was there for conversation and company and a big part of getting things done around the house.  So I know I don't handle change well but I will be able to let him go more and more over time and not take it personally.  I am excited for his new life---a bit jealous as well (I would love to be in school again)---but I will get there.
He suggested to me that this is a new phase of my life as well.  I have an 8 year old at home.  That is it.  And while my youngest will miss his older brother as his gaming buddy, lego pal and homework help, it gives me a chance to develop a different relationship with my youngest too.  Last but not least he reminded me that I need to find some things just for me while I am still off work and have no kids in the house from 9 until 6 PM.  Damn he is getting smart....
So yoga mat, F-you!  I am going to the Body Flow class at the gym at 10:30 today!  I will roll you out and sit on your skepticism and that will wipe that condescending look off your smug green face!
Work in progress.....

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