Skip to main content

Growing....

The next few days will be an interesting challenge for me to apply what I have been learning and hold it all together in a positive way, while also honoring and acknowledging the feelings that I am having.

Tomorrow, we drop off my oldest son at University.  Move in is at 9AM tomorrow.  Tomorrow at this time we will be on the road on the way there (it is only about an hour away).  Tomorrow.  Twenty-four hours from now. 

He is working today for 10 hours so he will not be here to put things in order which may be a good thing as I think I would be chattering in his ear all day. 

Do you have...?
Are you taking....?
Did you pack...?
Please, please, please text me!!!!!

I am exciting and nervous for him all at once.  He is so introverted...will he make friends? What will his roommates be like?  Will he have fun?  Drink?  Party?  Meet girls?  I think I am gonna throw up.

Now the reality is we take him on Sunday and I have to pick him up Thursday night as he works Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday---his last four shifts before his contract is over.  So it will only be a few days that he is gone. But those few days will change him.  He has never been home alone....he has only been away from me the odd summer he went with his dad to the east coast to visit his dad's family.  I am just so not used to having him not be in this house at night (he doesn't hang out with friends, drive yet, or go to the mall alone.  He prefers to be on his computer, read or spend time with his little brother or me.

So today I will iron some of his shirts.  I will bake him some cookies or something to take with him.  I will worry I have not done enough to prepare him or to prepare myself.  I will be busy enough so the day should pass quickly.  (Oh yeah I need to find him a pot for boiling pasta). 

So writing here will allow me to touch base with reality.....to try to ensure I am not unnecessarily spiraling out of control into worry.

I expect there will be tears...but I will try to hold them until we are in the car on the way back.  He has asked me to help him set up his room and go to the bookstore to pick up his books.  And he sort of gets how hard this is for me, but I think excitement wins...at least for now.

It's the first day of kindergarten all over again.  My son is going off to start a new part of his life.  A part where he needs me a little less---where he will grow and learn and make friends.  BUT he will always be mine.  He will come home to me, he will always hug me and I have done a pretty good job of getting him to his point in his life.  I am proud of him and love him in a way he simply can't comprehend---like how I never understood how my parents felt when I went away to school.

One more step forward to my son.....a step that takes him away from me...but the door is always open for him to come home.  xoxo

Comments

  1. Michelle26 August 2013 at 21:15

    You have done a GREAT job getting him to this point in his life. Be proud of you too...x

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous28 August 2013 at 07:19

    I am trying. It is hard. The gap left in my mind...in my day...that was occupied with thoughts of him coming home at lunch from work, or getting him ready for university is huge.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Keeping Afloat in Darkness - When Robin Williams is Gone

A few weeks ago Robin Williams was everywhere you looked. People were desperate for details; to find the one thing that assured them that his situation was so different from theirs that they are safe; that it could never be them. But if you suffer from depression, the suicide of such a brilliant, successful, individual; part of our lives for so many years and responsible for so many laughs; looks like a leak in your boat. A friend asked me, "Ok but no one knows what the future holds.  Could he not see that?" For someone drowning in the dark spiral of depression, there is no future. There is only now. There is only nothing.  The boat is gone.  You are under. It is not about your spouse or your friends or your kids or career or fans or dogs or anything.  When the darkness squeezes it is all about now.  And now is nothing.  It is bleak and empty and so dark, you cannot see a bottom, or edges or surface ---just darkness. "Some...
4 comments
There is more good stuff--keep reading»

Being Enough

I am grateful that the chapters in The Gifts of Imperfection are short.  Each one overflows with concepts that ask you to reach down to your very core and dig around a bit with a sharp object.  Sometimes you have to pull back and take a break.  Like at the dentist...when you have to put your hand up...they let you close your mouth for a minute....you stretch your jaw....rinse maybe.  "You ok to continue?" You lie back, take a breath, try to get comfortable, open up, look at the outline of the hand holding the drill backlit by that horrible light...and nod. Not to say it is all bad.  But this chapter on Exploring the Power of Love, Belonging, and Being Enough made me uncomfortable in my skin.  I squinted a lot.  Really, really trying to get at what she was saying without having to feel what she is saying....which is not the purpose.  So I had to read the chapter a few times.  Then I fiddled around on Facebook and Outlook to avoid sta...
5 comments
There is more good stuff--keep reading»

Shame is A Full-Contact Emotion (Brené Brown)

It is a cool outside this morning and I have on my fluffy red robe as I sit outside and watch the birds flit back and forth from the fence to the feeder----arrogantly tossing aside imperfect sunflower seeds to get to the good ones.   The discarded seeds, some empty, some full, punctuate my deck, waiting for the squirrels, who will later claim this easy buffet. I am still reading Brené and The Gifts of Imperfection. Feels a bit like learning a new language ---I see the words---I hear the words---but the meaning is so diffuse...I need to read and reread and sometimes, even read out loud to make the words stick It is hard work.    And while the smooth cover of her book lies balanced on my palm, seemingly weightless, many of the concepts have a density that knocks me flat on my ass ---like a large medicine ball. CATCH THIS ONE!   Oooooooof!   I am down.    Eyes wide, trying to catch my breath, wrestling with the weight of hefty concept...
Post a Comment
There is more good stuff--keep reading»