Saturday, 24 August 2013

Growing....

The next few days will be an interesting challenge for me to apply what I have been learning and hold it all together in a positive way, while also honoring and acknowledging the feelings that I am having.

Tomorrow, we drop off my oldest son at University.  Move in is at 9AM tomorrow.  Tomorrow at this time we will be on the road on the way there (it is only about an hour away).  Tomorrow.  Twenty-four hours from now. 

He is working today for 10 hours so he will not be here to put things in order which may be a good thing as I think I would be chattering in his ear all day. 

Do you have...?
Are you taking....?
Did you pack...?
Please, please, please text me!!!!!

I am exciting and nervous for him all at once.  He is so introverted...will he make friends? What will his roommates be like?  Will he have fun?  Drink?  Party?  Meet girls?  I think I am gonna throw up.

Now the reality is we take him on Sunday and I have to pick him up Thursday night as he works Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday---his last four shifts before his contract is over.  So it will only be a few days that he is gone. But those few days will change him.  He has never been home alone....he has only been away from me the odd summer he went with his dad to the east coast to visit his dad's family.  I am just so not used to having him not be in this house at night (he doesn't hang out with friends, drive yet, or go to the mall alone.  He prefers to be on his computer, read or spend time with his little brother or me.

So today I will iron some of his shirts.  I will bake him some cookies or something to take with him.  I will worry I have not done enough to prepare him or to prepare myself.  I will be busy enough so the day should pass quickly.  (Oh yeah I need to find him a pot for boiling pasta). 

So writing here will allow me to touch base with reality.....to try to ensure I am not unnecessarily spiraling out of control into worry.

I expect there will be tears...but I will try to hold them until we are in the car on the way back.  He has asked me to help him set up his room and go to the bookstore to pick up his books.  And he sort of gets how hard this is for me, but I think excitement wins...at least for now.

It's the first day of kindergarten all over again.  My son is going off to start a new part of his life.  A part where he needs me a little less---where he will grow and learn and make friends.  BUT he will always be mine.  He will come home to me, he will always hug me and I have done a pretty good job of getting him to his point in his life.  I am proud of him and love him in a way he simply can't comprehend---like how I never understood how my parents felt when I went away to school.

One more step forward to my son.....a step that takes him away from me...but the door is always open for him to come home.  xoxo

2 comments:

  1. You have done a GREAT job getting him to this point in his life. Be proud of you too...x

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  2. I am trying. It is hard. The gap left in my mind...in my day...that was occupied with thoughts of him coming home at lunch from work, or getting him ready for university is huge.

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