Exhaling, zipper up, material straining across hips, thighs compressed, the truth of my lack of motivation to do anything about my weight stared at me in the mirror in the form of a muffin top.
Joy, confidence and self-worth sat discarded like the cotton, blue and while flowered sundress I'd abandoned in favor of something warmer as the sky shifted from light blue to pinks and purples. They whispering amongst themselves, and refused to look my way when I tried to catch their eye.
These were my too-big-size-six-Old Navy-on-sale-I-know-I-am-a-perfect-size-four-at-Old-Navy-but-they-were-on-sale--capris. As purple spread across the sky I slipped a loose sweatshirt over my head that covered the offense, reminding myself to look up a recent post I had done on being defeated by a red dress....how long ago was that?
Time is a slippery thing. WeekENDs do not distinguish themselves from weekDAYS in summer when you have one child home, one working days and weekends and The Spouse travels a lot for work. Without much attention, weeks often come together to form months and I am continually amazed that I am flipping calendar pages. The red dress post was a few weeks ago surely. Searching, searching.....ok let's try page two. Ah there it is. WHAT???? JUNE????
I started to read, dumbfounded that 8 weeks had passed. Surely the computer date stamp was incorrect. No gym. No treadmill at home. No walks with L. Really????
Ahhhh yes....now I see.
So I am conflicted. For right now, I am this new shape. While the medications are responsible for some of it (I am back on the Amitriptyline and my family doctor says the Lyrica is another pain medication responsible for weight gain), larger, stretchy clothes allowed me to shift my focus away from what I looked liked to who I wanted to be as a person. This is s a good thing.
But the muffin' makin' capri pants were also a good reminder that I set a goal two month ago and I should revisit it to see if it is still important to me and am I able to successfully retake it on right now.
However, the best day to start a new project is TODAY. The right time to start a new project is RIGHT NOW. So today, I will start to put a little more yoga in my yoga pants; a little more walking in my walking shoes, and little more dance in my dance class (by finding one again!).
I will start slow and ramp up for when my youngest is back in school and I can get into a rhythm that works for me.
Note to self: Goal setting is a tool. One to motivate you. It is not used to beat you into a ball of failure and shame. Writing down your goals and revisiting them to check in on your progress, make some revisions, additions or deletions is the important part that requires some attention from me.
Thanks too-SMALL-size-six-Old Navy-on-sale-I-know-I-am-a-perfect-size-EIGHT-at-Old-Navy-but-they-were-on-sale--capris.
Added note: One of my bffs, M, has registered herself for a half marathon. Woah. I have vowed to train along side her, my goal less lofty, but having a partner in health will be healthful for me! Have downloaded Runkeeper on my smartphone so we can celebrate any training we do.