Skip to main content

Today is...


Today is a blue sky day--in so many ways.

The obvious---the sky is blue.  But to be a blue sky day there has to be an absence of clouds.  So no matter where you turn when you are sitting---you can't see a single cloud.  That is the sky today.

It is a blue sky day because the entire five of us plus one dog who has separation anxiety if I leave her at home, will be going on a road trip.  And I love a nice car ride. Tim's in hand.  I am not driving. Blue sky....

It is a blue sky day because I am taking butter tarts to the Spouse's father.  Who is 84 and not all that well---but who mumbles funny stories, teases my boys about girlfriends and who LOVES my butter tarts. It makes me feel blue sky inside.

It is a blue sky day because we are meeting a bunch of the Spouse's family--and while that is normally completely overwhelming to me---I am aware that will trigger my anxiety and my "fake me" mask and so I will try to sit--and be quiet with who I am--and not busy and bluster and watch the hands of the clock move past the agreed upon time of our departure and then get agitated as Spouse is not in any hurry to go.  I look forward to trying this today.  Showing up today will be my blue sky event of the day.

It is a blue sky day because while I woke up stiff and sore---the lack of humidity and typing is loosening up my fingers and so far my nerve pain in my back is ok. Knowing I can function through a day with some physical discomfort...remembering I am in control of whether I sit or stand or walk to relieve the pain.  Allowing myself to feel what I feel and not trying to deny it, to carry on at all cost, will be my blue sky challenge today.

It is a blue sky day because my very best friend has come back to Ontario for a visit and I will get to see her soon. She who loves me for all of who I am. She makes my sky blue when it is not.

It is a blue sky day because I reconnected with a special woman from another lifetime of mine when I was a teacher.  She is amazingly strong and unique and talented and is facing her own journey of discovery.  It is through our stories --through sharing our shame with those who have earned the privilege of hearing it--that we connect and feel part of the world instead of alone inside it. Thanks J for being a reason to get to work all that time ago--and for the strength to continue now.

Today is a blue sky day.




Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Keeping Afloat in Darkness - When Robin Williams is Gone

A few weeks ago Robin Williams was everywhere you looked. People were desperate for details; to find the one thing that assured them that his situation was so different from theirs that they are safe; that it could never be them. But if you suffer from depression, the suicide of such a brilliant, successful, individual; part of our lives for so many years and responsible for so many laughs; looks like a leak in your boat. A friend asked me, "Ok but no one knows what the future holds.  Could he not see that?" For someone drowning in the dark spiral of depression, there is no future. There is only now. There is only nothing.  The boat is gone.  You are under. It is not about your spouse or your friends or your kids or career or fans or dogs or anything.  When the darkness squeezes it is all about now.  And now is nothing.  It is bleak and empty and so dark, you cannot see a bottom, or edges or surface ---just darkness. "Some...
4 comments
There is more good stuff--keep reading»

Being Enough

I am grateful that the chapters in The Gifts of Imperfection are short.  Each one overflows with concepts that ask you to reach down to your very core and dig around a bit with a sharp object.  Sometimes you have to pull back and take a break.  Like at the dentist...when you have to put your hand up...they let you close your mouth for a minute....you stretch your jaw....rinse maybe.  "You ok to continue?" You lie back, take a breath, try to get comfortable, open up, look at the outline of the hand holding the drill backlit by that horrible light...and nod. Not to say it is all bad.  But this chapter on Exploring the Power of Love, Belonging, and Being Enough made me uncomfortable in my skin.  I squinted a lot.  Really, really trying to get at what she was saying without having to feel what she is saying....which is not the purpose.  So I had to read the chapter a few times.  Then I fiddled around on Facebook and Outlook to avoid sta...
5 comments
There is more good stuff--keep reading»

Shame is A Full-Contact Emotion (Brené Brown)

It is a cool outside this morning and I have on my fluffy red robe as I sit outside and watch the birds flit back and forth from the fence to the feeder----arrogantly tossing aside imperfect sunflower seeds to get to the good ones.   The discarded seeds, some empty, some full, punctuate my deck, waiting for the squirrels, who will later claim this easy buffet. I am still reading Brené and The Gifts of Imperfection. Feels a bit like learning a new language ---I see the words---I hear the words---but the meaning is so diffuse...I need to read and reread and sometimes, even read out loud to make the words stick It is hard work.    And while the smooth cover of her book lies balanced on my palm, seemingly weightless, many of the concepts have a density that knocks me flat on my ass ---like a large medicine ball. CATCH THIS ONE!   Oooooooof!   I am down.    Eyes wide, trying to catch my breath, wrestling with the weight of hefty concept...
Post a Comment
There is more good stuff--keep reading»