Sunday, 28 July 2013
Today is a blue sky day--in so many ways.
The obvious---the sky is blue. But to be a blue sky day there has to be an absence of clouds. So no matter where you turn when you are sitting---you can't see a single cloud. That is the sky today.
It is a blue sky day because the entire five of us plus one dog who has separation anxiety if I leave her at home, will be going on a road trip. And I love a nice car ride. Tim's in hand. I am not driving. Blue sky....
It is a blue sky day because I am taking butter tarts to the Spouse's father. Who is 84 and not all that well---but who mumbles funny stories, teases my boys about girlfriends and who LOVES my butter tarts. It makes me feel blue sky inside.
It is a blue sky day because we are meeting a bunch of the Spouse's family--and while that is normally completely overwhelming to me---I am aware that will trigger my anxiety and my "fake me" mask and so I will try to sit--and be quiet with who I am--and not busy and bluster and watch the hands of the clock move past the agreed upon time of our departure and then get agitated as Spouse is not in any hurry to go. I look forward to trying this today. Showing up today will be my blue sky event of the day.
It is a blue sky day because while I woke up stiff and sore---the lack of humidity and typing is loosening up my fingers and so far my nerve pain in my back is ok. Knowing I can function through a day with some physical discomfort...remembering I am in control of whether I sit or stand or walk to relieve the pain. Allowing myself to feel what I feel and not trying to deny it, to carry on at all cost, will be my blue sky challenge today.
It is a blue sky day because my very best friend has come back to Ontario for a visit and I will get to see her soon. She who loves me for all of who I am. She makes my sky blue when it is not.
It is a blue sky day because I reconnected with a special woman from another lifetime of mine when I was a teacher. She is amazingly strong and unique and talented and is facing her own journey of discovery. It is through our stories --through sharing our shame with those who have earned the privilege of hearing it--that we connect and feel part of the world instead of alone inside it. Thanks J for being a reason to get to work all that time ago--and for the strength to continue now.
Today is a blue sky day.