Pause for Reflection

Eighteen years ago today my life changed forever.  At 7:11 AM  I held in my arms a wee, pink, bundle with peach fuzz hair and ten little fingers and ten little toes.  I was oblivious to the intern doing my stitches (until he asked the resident if they looked ok...that caught my attention for a second----yes please, do they LOOK OK!!!!) as I stroked his lips, his ears, his cheeks, his feet.

I was in awe that this 7 lbs wonder had only minutes before been living safely inside me and was now out here in the big wide world and it was just the two of us. 

My marriage had dissolved when I was four months pregnant and my life purpose crystalized when my doctor asked me if I was feeling like I might hurt myself or someone else as I sat crying in her office after my husband left.  The tears dried up immediately. I was having a baby. THAT child and I were priority number one...I dismissed her as absurd. I had never felt stronger in my life that this was what I was meant to do...be a mom.



Alex in his jellyroll in the aquarium.

Since it was my first baby and I had good insurance I got to stay in the hospital two nights. The
nurses continued to pull his little glass aquarium to the end of my bed so I could get some rest, and I continued to pull it back to the side of my bed, reach in and grab the jelly roll that was Alex and pull him into my arms where I knew he would be safe. How had I existed before--how had I thought I knew what love was......

Eighteen years later, Alex and I share our lives with Rick, with his son Noah and with Jake--the most energetic, brilliant, funny, accident prone 8 year old Rick and I have the privilege to call son...and two lovely dogs.

Alex has a dad who is in his life frequently and we all get along really well.  He visits his grandmother and very large, extended New Brunswick family out East with his dad occasionally--and he is occupies the space in Jakes heart reserved for best friends only.  (I love to see them play--every --single---day).  Alex has grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins. 

But...


He will always belong to me.  He will always be my baby.  Even when he leaves for university to borrow a song lyric --I belong to you, you belong to me you are my sweetheart.  Always and Forever.