Small Victories

You know those photos you see for ground breaking ceremonies?  Everyone turns up in their best attire. Hardhats on. Ribbon around the golden shovel? Smile for the camera!  Sound bite.....and done.

Yeahhhhh....  Me? 

I feel like I live 20 minutes AFTER the photo was taken.... and everyone is gone... and I am standing there in an empty field... still holding the shovel.....and my left heel is slowly sinking into the soft earth as my right foot tentatively nudges the blade of the shovel into the dirt...and I am facing this HUGE tower that is my recovery and I have a lot of earth to move. 

This is the hard part.  This is the time when you have to get your hands dirty.  Blisters. Long hours. Every shovel out means a little dirt trickles back in...some days you feel like you are making no progress.

And rare days.....rare days a backhoe shows up for a couple of hours and you feel a bit lighter.  I had a day like that recently and it reminded me just how big this project is.  And how I am the only one who can do the work.  But also, how the tools I have are all around me...and how if I keep at it...I will continue to dig myself out of this hole.