Work In Progress

Today, at home instead of work, I am suddenly aware of time. Not that I wasn't before.  Just today I am particularly aware of it.   Oh it is always there, sometimes stretching long and brittle in moments when your child vanishes from sight in a busy department store; snapping back into place as he emerges from a clothes rack at your side.  Sometimes, it compresses the 480 minutes of a work day into such a flurry of activity, you begin to measure your life by the gaps in between, and a year is 48 weekends and a two week vacation---your adult life blurred into years where time is measured in births and deaths.   When I disappeared into the dark spiral of depression and anxiety some two years ago, time became elastic.  In the emergency room, time stretched long and thin with no resistance, giving way to one, lone moment.   Most of my recovery was what I call tick-tock-time ; each second echoing in your head along side the looped me...

February is here and the ground hog, at least the one I listen to, Wiarton Willie has said that spring will come early this year. I struggle to keep my optimism afloat as I look out the window today at the 2.5 feet of snow that fell overnight, cancelling school, busses and even closing my place of work! Still, I like this better than the dull grey skies suffocating the world and clogging up my brain.   The snow is fluffy and white, and while I cannot get Youngest out of bed most school day, I am in awe of how quickly the opportunity to enjoy a day off school that is NOT a weekend will launch him from his bed!  I predict backyard dog wrestling will be followed my me dog wrestling a snowball packed canine into a tub to de-snowballize her. Everyone is home, except oldest, and half of us have showered and are dressed. Once the snow slows down it is all hands on shovels and the snowblower. Seven o'clock found me on the back deck in my pj's and boots, frantically shovell...

Ok so this has been way harder than I thought.  Last year, January was my dreaming month and it all just seemed to happen.  It was about cocooning on my couch with books and movies and my electric fireplace.  It was about coffee and reflection, mediation and renewal, and out of that came the guiding lights that identified what made me happy.  And naturally, if they made me happy, I wanted more of them--even if they were hard. This year, January has been full of work. Back to work full time, parenting full-time, Middle moving in with us, Spouse off travelling for work and pleasure, three demanding puppies, trying to eat well and continue my soul work.   The gym has vanished and the last visit with Sista was way too long ago….I feel it slipping away.  Bits of me. That is where Wellness Wednesday came from.  The one hour dedicated to me...each week.  But how do you try to recreate what came so naturally last year, an hour a week?   We...

I am the living embodiment of Newton’s first law of motion.  Generally speaking: An object at rest stays at rest and an object in motion stays in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force . I commonly find it difficult to get up from my desk at work, even when I know that a 15 second stretch will relieve the stress in my shoulders that comes from sitting hunched over a keyboard all day.   It is a quick inner battle that takes place, where I weigh the need against the benefit.  Often I will put off the standing up unless I can tie it to something I consider as having more value---like picking up a print job. Better yet, if I can wrap the standing stretch up into a package with a print job pick up, reheat of my cold coffee and trip to the bathroom.   A four for one only takes moment to assemble in my mind and sadly is often the impetus I need to propel me to my feet. I am a sucker for a good d...

My Inbox is flooded with invitations to 'set my intentions' for 2015 --- pick a 'worthy' resolution and 'jump start my way' to a better me. For the most part, I can smile and delete these messages but it still creeps in sometimes---the  pressure.   To fix things--on a timer---ready-set-go! Capture it all--in scrapbook-Facebook-neon-colored-accomplishment jars for everyone to see and for goodness sake it is already January 8th---so isn't it pretty much too late! Might as well wait until next year.  January really is a stupid month for January to happen in. Someone should do something about it. The calendar is a moron. We should start a petition.  All of those resolutions to be a better person, and those vows to turn down every sweet treat in favor of trainers and gym memberships – does this really have to happen in a month in which you have to get dressed for work at a time of day so dark that it could ...